By Laurelle Byrne-Cody
What Your Favorite NFL Team Says About You
Just a brief statistical analysis of the most common NFL fans on campus.
You’re from Western New York or you really have adopted any reason to get obliterated on a Sunday afternoon. You love to drink and some of you are quality people, others don’t really care but want something to tweet about on Sundays (almost guaranteed a like or two!). You’ve never actually seen them win games but you’ve heard stories from your drunk Uncle Bob. You like to do dumb and stupid things and put Franks Red Hot on everything, cheers!
New England Patriots-
No one in your freshman hall liked you, especially on Sundays. You’re probably not even from Boston you just like to be an asshole. You play games of Madden alone as Pats vs. Jaguars and run up the score well into the hundreds. You may even manipulate the settings to pick the opposing teams plays, if your squad can cheat why not you? You once saw Tom Brady on a vacation in Marthas Vineyard, it was wicked awesome.
You don’t actually like football; you’re more of a soccer person. You just really like the turquoise-orange color combination, who doesn’t? Its clearly sexy as hell. I had a pair of Nike’s in 5th grade with the same color combo; it got me my first and only boyfriend.
Your arrogance and over confidence in your team leads you to periodic embarrassment but you never learn. You’re the first to start a verbal confrontation with any other AFC east team fan, not because you’re malicious but because you are easily fooled by rhetoric. You wear your Revis jersey every week until around week 10 when you begin to chant J-E-T-S: Just End The Season.
You really only like them because they won that super bowl when you were in High School. You own a David Tyree Jersey and your Dad does his hair like Phil Simms. You get final score text alerts on your phone (#diehard) and blow up everyone’s Instagram feed when you go home to Jersey for a game during fall break.
You’re similar to the Giants fan, which is why despite your ‘heated’ rivalry you guys watch games together and sometimes go on movie dates. You could be from anywhere in the country and you tend to keep quiet except for when you break out your Tony Romo Jersey week 1 (RIP).
Pittsburgh Steelers –
You really like football and yinz are really about your Steelers, but your loyalty is your downfall. You cried for 3 games straight when Big Ben went down, and you’re emotional attachment is probably a result of the difficulty to purchase alcohol in Pennsylvania (Damn Quakers).
You just like Peyton Manning. You can’t name one defensive player, and you only know Demaryius Thomas because of his guest appearances on that show with Eric Decker (c’mon it was quality TV). You’re hated at Deli Sandro’s because you order ever so creatively, “Chicken Parm you taste so good”. You’re such a devoted fan you always pay the extra $6 for the thirty of Coors Light instead of Genny, Peyton would want you to keep those Mountains Blue!
You got more amusement from the Gronk-Beastmode Conan O’Brian skit than you did from last years Super Bowl. To be fair your “12th man” (or actually all fans ) didn’t come around until they built that new stadium and started using cooler color combinations (the bright green is sweet though I’ll admit it). Your team would make an amusing BET evening comedy cast; even though they blow games at the 2-yard line at least they have their personality!
You wear a paper bag on your head when you go to party in the frat quad, and you own lots of shit brown colored articles of clothing (AKA you’re hot). You wish that they would just play Johnny Manziel so your life would have more excitement, but more so because you’ll feel less douch-ey about wearing that #2 jersey.