Now that it has officially set in, I am sad to recognize that the NFL season is over.
In a quick Super Bowl recap: Peyton Manning and the Denver Broncos bamboozled us all and ran away with the Lombardi trophy. A bamboozle so masterful it has inspired teams everywhere to have their franchise players play terribly and develop injuries-preferably one that commonly plagues women who wear unsupportive shoes- only to have them surprise everyone in the playoffs. Seriously, Peyton Manning came back from neck surgery to remain the most elite passer in the NFL, but America was convinced that his contest with Plantar Fasciitis was sure to be the Sheriffs Achilles heel-or shall I say arch. Bamboozle.
Sadly there are over 200 days until we embark on a new NFL season. In such desperate times Americans are looking for a new
excuse to drink way to occupy their time. After a great deal of extensive research I bring you my ‘What to do now that NFL Football is over’ list.
1) NBA Basketball– That scrawny guy on the Panthers sideline in the number 30 jersey wasn’t Cam Newton’s cousin/financial advisor, he’s actually Steph Curry the NBA’s most exciting player. In fact, unlike Cam he concluded his league MVP season with a national championship. Check him out.
2) College Basketball– This is a fun year for college basketball. The U of R men’s team had the #2 highlight on Sports Center’s Top Ten Plays, Duke isn’t ranked, Jim Boeheim is back, and Rick Pitino has allegedly stopped providing players with prostitutes. What a time to be alive.
3) Go Bowling– Not only is bowling an excellent bicep workout for you fitness freaks out there, they also have pitchers and nachos. The great thing about millennial bowling especially, is that no one is good at it, in fact the more you drink the better you get… I think.
4) Watch the Presidential Debates– This is a great way to get a bunch of friends together and drink yourselves into oblivion. American politics has followed suit of Reality TV, and it seems this year’s election is reminiscent of ‘Flavor of Love’- if only the entire state of New Hampshire could wear a clock around its neck.
5) Netflix (anything on Netflix)– Perhaps the greatest thing about Netflix is that it gives us a show for our every mood at the push of a button. And what’s even better? No matter how weird whatever you watch may be, someone you know has totally watched it too.
6) The People vs. OJ Simpson– If you’re in serious football withdrawal why not watch a recreation of a murder trial involving one of the NFL’s best running backs of all-time, “the Juice”, as played by Cuba Gooding Jr. (yes, the actor from ‘Snow Dogs’). Not only that, you can also work on your ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ by learning the real reason the family is famous… which is of course because of murder.
7) Scout– Your favorite NFL team might not know it, but they need you. In your off-season spare time leading up to the NFL Draft watch highlight tapes, filmed workouts, and of course the NFL Combine. What is more exciting than watching large men lift heavy things and run fast.
8) Put up fake Craigslist ads– It’s always entertaining to pretend you have 12 pure bread husky puppies you are giving away for free. And it’s always a good idea to put a friends phone number down as the contact, be sure to say call or text only.
9) Go Outside– There’s some cool stuff out there. Parks are fun, sometimes there are squirrels and people with dogs, and it’s crazy! Maybe even bring a football, and reenact your favorite highlights of the season (with friends, don’t do this alone that’s really weird).
10) Watch Highlights– There’s nothing wrong with putting on a little mood music, for me Spotify’s Unrequited Love playlist, and watching highlights from this past season. It’s okay to cry too, we saw Cam do it after the Super Bowl.