“Report: Freshman to Really Hit The Books Next Semester”

No Sting Zone | laurelle | November 2, 2015

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By Javier Torres

Rochester, NY– Freshman Willie Mangas has announced today that he plans to buckle down next semester and put the focus back on academics.

“I had a lot of fun this first semester, but it’s time to get down to business,” said Mangas, who had just completed his course registration for the spring semester. “I definitely did my fair share of partying, but now that I’ve experienced it I am definitely going to make a push to tone things down and focus up.”

Mangas was reported to have declined to take any classes on Fridays for the spring. “That way, I’ll have tons of time to hunker down in the library and knock out all my work before the weekend starts.” The eager freshman has even stated that he will start to keep a calendar, which he plans to use to schedule things like classes, meals, and gym time.

At press time, Mr. Mangas was seen inquiring about the various fraternities to rush in the spring.

 

This is a satirical post.