Judging People on Where They Study

UR Stuck On Campus | Al | November 16, 2015

  • Copied

If you haven’t failed out of UR by now, chances are you’ve had to do some schoolwork on campus, especially since we’re required to live here so that the University can make more money off of us  we can foster a sense of community at our lovely school. Since most of us are nerds and probably weren’t cool in high school (I took AP English, sup ladies?), we tend to spend a lot of time in all the spaces we study in. For the last three years and change, I’ve been judging you all as I watch old Buffalo Bills highlights/skim SparkNotes in the library, and I find most of this to be pretty consistent. Note, I don’t bother to include irrelevant places like the weird arts library in the tunnels, because who cares.

Gleason: Overall, Gleason is probably the most normal study space. As in, this is where normal people go. You know how on the tour, they tell you how they wanted to create a “modern, collaborative work space” or whatever, and that made up story about someone anonymously finishing a physics problem on a white board? Here at UR, we’re all best friends and everyone loves studying! (Just kidding, most classes are graded on curves, so we all actively root against each other on exams). When I heard that, I thought that was a bunch of hippie nonsense, but Gleason really is a nice place to find friends to do your Webwork for you. Ipso facto, Gleason is alright with me, even though I feel like Billy Madison in third grade when I roll up there and it’s all wide-eyed freshmen and nervous high school kids on tours.

However, there is one thing I am 100% not on board with—the sleeping pods. I thought it was bizarre when kids would come up to the cubicles with suitcases and shit and just live there, but these are on a whole different level of ridiculous. I haven’t even looked at one of the pods, let alone actually spend a night or whatever in one. Don’t you worry about what the last person was doing in there? I’m not a germophobe, I just live on planet Earth; there are some *unique* people at this school, and I don’t even want to think about what goes on in those things. Bottom line, the sleeping pods should be banished, and you’re a psychopath if you’ve ever even thought about using them. Feel free to email me about “sleeping pod shaming” if you want, but I will publicly out you as someone that willingly sleeps in other peoples’ filth.

In Front of Rush Rhees Reference Desk: This is easily the most visible place to study on campus, and if you actually study there, you’re just showing off. Don’t worry, I’ve been there. I get it—“maybe if I look like I’m studying hard, girls will notice and think that I have a bright future”. From personal experience, this doesn’t work. At all. Gotta respect the hustle, though.

3 New: You’re in SDT, and are wearing a Patagonia vest and/or hat. I’m going to leave this one alone for the most part; judging from some of my friends’ experiences, SDT girls don’t make threats, they make promises. Not exactly a group I’d want to cross. Love you guys, you’re the besdt!

PRR: First, I think this is the most beautiful part of campus, and there’s a reason they show it on tours—it looks like how you pictured college libraries when you were in high school. I tried to study there once. I really don’t get how people do it. I was getting death stares from people because my footsteps were making noise. God forbid someone let out a sneeze or something. Also, asking for a friend here, what happens if you need to fart in PRR? Do you just leave? Do you just double down and own it? I like to think I don’t have any friends that are the type of people that would study here. If you do, shoot me an email so I can burn that bridge ASAP.

Carlson: I didn’t even know Carlson existed until the beginning of my sophomore year. From my understanding, Carlson is used for two things: engineers go there to talk about how much easier every other major is, and some dude got arrested for flashing people there in Fall 2013. Either way, going to Carlson is a weird move, and people that go there shouldn’t be trusted.

ITS: In my opinion, ITS is probably the best mix between being quiet, and also being able to speak at a normal volume without someone glaring at you. Overall, I can’t really judge you for going there. One thing though—why does the entire track team study here 24/7? What are you people up to?

Stacks: The only reason to go here is if you have a sharpie and want to draw shit on the walls. Studying in this dungeon is a major serial killer move, end of story.

Rettner: I have no idea which of you people actually use Rettner. I recently ran into some UR alums at my sister’s wedding, and I couldn’t explain to them its purpose, other than they can tell people on tours that we have a 3D printed chair. No way, how innovative! I bet no other college has 3D printed shit! All that aside, it’s a nice building to study in when people aren’t stealing everything that’s plugged in. If those criminal masterminds are reading this, please come back and take the ugly orange chair next time.