By Alexander Rose
“Its gotten to the point that I’m just sitting in my living room and reading on saturday nights” one undergrad laments, “Seriously there just isn’t anything good online anymore”. As temperatures continue to drop and the days become shorter students rely more and more on digital media as a source of recreation and relaxation. However, the rate at which film and television streaming services are uploading new material is not able to meet the demand of the modern student body. As a result more and more students are looking for alternative sources of entertainment outside of their rooms and it is putting stress on university staff.
“They keep getting lost and wandering into traffic” says an anonymous public safety officer when asked about the students affected by this crisis, “I just wish they’d take up soft drugs or functional alcoholism like we did when we were kids”.
There has been some effort to make use of media alternatives such as British television. Though most students find having to actively pay attention to understand the accents stressful. Unfortunately as many are beginning to realize the only way to combat the issue is to conserve what little of this dwindling resource we have remaining. In a society where watching a three season series is considered foreplay it will undoubtedly be difficult to encourage media moderation. Yet, it is important to realize that this practice will not only be for the betterment of students today, but for the betterment of future generations. So they too can one day consistently enjoy hundreds, possibly even thousands, of hours of doing absolutely nothing.
This is a satirical post.