SENIOR PROFILE: Javier Torres, Satire Extraordinaire

No Sting Zone | laurelle | April 12, 2016

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By Laurelle Byrne-Cody

Javier Torres is one of the surviving writers on staff here at the No Sting Zone (Alexander Rose missed a deadline and was transferred to the Douglas Dining hall buffalo chicken meatloaf department, where he was converted into buffalo chicken meatloaf). He is also a Senior at the University of Rochester, a Rochester Native formerly recognized as being the face covered by the greatest beard on campus. He has worked tirelessly to provide content for the Rival for this past year.

I visited his room in Southside to have a conversation after loading his trough with next week’s feed. He sat in darkness underneath his bed, face illuminated by the glow of his laptop screen. I coaxed him out of his cove with a handful of pork fat and we sat for a conversation:

Laurelle Byrne-Cody (LBC): Javier, it’s great as always to sit down with you while you’re working. You’ve been very busy throughout your career at this school, so we are glad that you dedicated so much time to contributing to the No Sting Zone. Is this where you saw yourself when you started off as a freshman?

Javier Torres (JT): *Heavy Breathing*

LBC: I wouldn’t have imagined it for you either! Time flies, doesn’t it?

JT: *Scratches foot* It does.

LBC: So what are you most proud of creating in your time here?

JT: Whatever keeps putting feed in my trough. Also, one time I made a video of just butts for a class. It went over pretty well.

LBC: What are you going to miss the most?

JT: Having so many people in one place to avoid eye contact with.

LBC: Do you have any wisdom to impart on future seniors?

JT: Think about what you’ve done…

Javier thinks you should go to the Gollin Film Festival on Wednesday, April 27th “at the Hoyt Auditorium”.